A Reflection on Fathers Day, Family, and Inner Work
I’m reminded of a training I went to one day where we told about seeing some families and family dynamics as shapes. Perhaps as a little kid you were triangle personality who was expressive, loud and imaginative but were born in a square family who were stern, analytical and regimented. Or perhaps you were a circle child, sensitive, emotional, and deeply inner reflective, but born in a triangle family who were emotionally cold and just couldn’t understand you.
Regardless of the symbol it was a great analogy to speak about the struggles of some people within a family unit. It’s on days like today in Australia, on Fathers Day, where I’m reminded of people and communities I’ve worked with over the years where these dynamics play out regularly and unfortunately the child turns into an adult and brings with it a number of inner critics, repressions, pains or rebellions.
On top of this, perhaps the adult also has a varied attachment style where they relate to people in a constant stand-offish way, an anxious and validation seeking way, a secure, calm and connected way, or a mixture of push/pull in a disorganised way. Whatever the cause and outcome of these interactions with family, we can bring with us a whole inner family system, inter-generational pattern, trauma, or repression borne from a wide set of reasons ranging from biological, social, psychological, cultural, religious, political, financial, or racial.
My point being, is that we are a product of a great many things both from our experience, and the experiences of so many people before us, both in this country and period of time, and so many others. Regardless of this, I’ve come across clients who can either practice a form of compassion and forgiveness, create a strong boundary and directive against family members, push down their needs for the sake of the family unit and wider obligations, stand for themselves with varied results, or do their inner individual inner work and take on the essence/power of what has disturbed them most in their family history and myth as an ally for themselves. Wherever you’re at with this work, or perhaps you’ve not been affected by your family of origin in any bad kind of way, regardless, this reflection is just a reminder to be kind to yourself. Your struggles matter, and any bit you heal of yourself could also help heal others in your blood or chosen family in some way.
This is big work. For some, it’s the biggest work. Resource yourself with things which will lift you up, console you when you’re down, and soothe you when you need. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s all that’s needed.
If you need a listening ear, someone to help shape some perspective, or figure out a way forward, feel free to reach out, and let’s do the Work together.